We can talk about separation when a friendship or romantic relationship ends, but also when there is a move from one city to another or from one job to another and so on. Differently we talk about mourning when we refer to the death event. In any case, it can be noted that the process of separation, understood in its broadest sense, is present from birth. It occurs in all relationships, even with oneself, when one goes through the phases of development (childhood, adolescence, adulthood, seniority and old age), in short, to give rise to a true transformation we must die in the previous identity (Crescenzi, 2010) .

According to the Swiss psychologist Kubler Ross, there are 5 phases of the mourning process:

  • Denial/rejection: “no”, “I don’t believe it”, “it’s not possible” are just some of the phrases that are uttered by most people when they are informed of the death of a relative or friend.

 

  • This behavior indicates a refusal to accept what has happened; anger: the person feels an intense emotion of anger that spills over into the entire surrounding environment;

 

  • Bargaining/plea bargaining: in this phase it is possible to start thinking and organizing a new program for one’s life, even in the absence of someone who is no longer there;

 

  • Depression: at this moment two types of depression can be distinguished, one reactive and the other preparatory. In the case of reactive depression you become aware that some aspects of your existence are no longer there. In the case of preparatory depression we realize that nothing can be changed and we experience a sense of defeat.

 

  • Acceptance: after a certain period dedicated to processing what happened, the person begins to dedicate himself to accepting the loss that has occurred or is about to occur.

 

The phases described by K. Ross also occur in people who have a serious illness, and can constitute a valid reference for recognizing this process.

In our society, the moments dedicated to the pain caused by a separation, whether temporary or permanent, are tended to be denied. We often hear advice that urges us to "keep busy so as not to think about the loss we have suffered."

It is important to voluntarily dedicate a space in which it is possible to welcome and experience pain as a natural passage that the separation process entails. Only in this way will it be possible to awaken a new energy that will allow you to continue your existence by giving it meaning (Nissi, 2015).